Do you ever have those moments where life becomes so surreal and precious that surely it can't be your own?
Well, I have those moments frequently, especially these past few weeks. You see, my husband Collin was apprenticing to be an electrician for about a year and I guess I'm still not used to not being afraid for his life. First, a giant structure fell like fifteen feet and onto his foot and broke the top of his foot. Then, his brother Weston got heat stroke. Great. Seriously? That's like the most terrifying news!
Finally, Collin had a giant nail go through his workboot and through his foot. A tetanus shot and a couple limping days later, we decided he was done. He was no longer going to shove himself into a 120 degree attic in the middle of summer to install someone's new fancy lighting.
Don't get me wrong! This is a valuable job, and I really am so grateful for those who work it. I'm just also so grateful my husband isn't doing that anymore.
Anywho, back to feeling surreal because you're blown away by your life.
Yeah. I mean, Collin and I have come so far within the last year, it's unbelievable. Even within the last six months! Six weeks!
Firstly, we were teenagers last summer when we decided we were going to be together forever.
He was on tour and I had flown out to see him in Denver, I believe, and I was able to travel to all these cities I couldn't even have dreamt up. I was still living with my parents, so though I had saved some money for miscellaneous tattoos and road trips, my money was essentially for spending, and spend I did! So silly, now, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Infinite coffee from a billion different coffee shops I'd only seen in photographs and tons of authentic food and culture and scenery that made me feel like I was in a movie.
I remember we were staying at a friend's house in Utah when he told me goodnight and that he loved me one night before he went to his bed. I was kinda flipping out on the inside the past few days with the realization that I couldn't even fathom being with anyone else.
So after he said he loved me I said, "Like forever?"
Gulp. Sweating. Barfing on the inside. AHHH!
He smiled sweetly and said, "Like forever."
I probably giggled myself to sleep that night, envisioning our future as husband and wife, probably having a child or six, who knows.
All I know is that within a few months, we knew we were going to marry one another and within a year we were engaged. Here we are, madly in love and have been married four days shy of three months!
In fact, we got engaged exactly seven months ago today! WOAH!
But, please, don't think we're flawless. We've had bum girlfriend and boyfriend experiences, for sure. Everyone has! Psh, my romantic history is far less than perfect. Everyone's is. Sometimes you've gotta kiss some frogs before you find your perfect Prince Collin DuPree, ammiright, ladies?
Like, a lot of frogs. But hey, those frogs are someone else's princes, right?
I just want everyone to know that they deserve love from someone else, but they also first before all others, deserve the love from themselves.
No one completes you in the grand scheme that is your life. Rather, someone accents you, and makes you learn and find different things out about yourself that were already there to begin with, you were just blind to them. If you love someone, truly, deeply love someone, you trust them when they tell you that you're beautiful. It's something you have to see for yourself, however, they can't force you to see it.
Do you know how many times I've had to cry and shake myself out of feeling sorry for myself or hating my body, even MARRIED?! It's something that Collin most certainly helps me with, but the decision to stop crying and accept myself and see the beauty in the only body I've given is all my own.
I still am making steps towards living a healthy lifestyle, but no one has a perfect relationship with their mind/body, we're all unique and we all see ourselves and our plates differently whether we're deemed clinically disordered or not. I know there are hashtags out there that are obsessed over by girls that are younger than me and older than me.
Well, check it out, I don't have a #thighgap nor am I an advocate for #thinspo or #fitspo for that matter, but I am here to say that you can be healthy and happy without any of that in your life and that to base your goals for your own body off of the promotion of someone else's is never going to satisfy you.
You're already flawless the way you are!
Kissed too many frogs? Found your prince? Sick of negative hashtags? Learning to love yourself with what you were given?
So take this early morning rambling blog post and think about it some, comment your thoughts and your experiences below if you have anything you feel relates to anything here.