A few years ago, I went searching.
Not for the spectacular husband or life I have today, but for purpose.
I went searching for answers and connection with who I was and what the hell I was doing.
I scrambled from philosophy to philosophy, documentary to documentary, and even took a couple World Religions semesters at our local college, all to get that much closer to something.
I became so engrossed in wanting to KNOW the facts. In wanting to know why anyone believes anything and what it means, where we're all going, what we have to do or not do to get there, and who holds the gavel on what is right or wrong.
I wasn't searching for a feeling, for a voice. I was searching for logic, for knowledge. I was searching for the facts, and I got 'em. I got them all.
Still, nothing felt right; nothing "clicked" as you so often hear being said about spiritual journeys. Nothing fit me. I was spiritually naked and I was kinda worried.
I knew everything, and none of it MEANT anything; I was still flailing with panic attacks, overcoming abusive behaviors and relationships that were no good.
Eventually, I stumbled across yoga. Yes, we all know it to be contortionists and hippies, but I was drawn not to the physical component of it, but to the deeply personal aspect of it. In exploring yoga on my own, I was capable of tapping into the very thing I was afraid of: just myself and the present.
I found myself talking to a God and a Universe I never believed in, and giving thanks for a body that could be SO versatile.
For as much trouble as my body had caused me mentally, it was actually the other way around. I treated my body, my vessel, like dirt just because my mind was convinced it wasn't worthy of anything better.
Yoga had the ability to put me in a scenario to reconnect with who I was and why I was strong and powerful and full of life in a way books and others never could. Yoga made me talk and yoga made me listen. I learned to pay attention to everything and how it all effected everything else in one way or another. I began seeing life as a series of connecting events and circumstances that all had a greater meaning, not just based on coincidence.
Now, this is not me disclosing a religion that I believe in, because to claim one wouldn't be accurate, and to say I'm finished with my spiritual journey would also be untrue. I believe that our spiritual journeys are personal and last until the day we die.
This is me disclosing that I ditched yoga for about two years. Now, I've practiced independently over these past two years, but on Monday, December 1st, I rejoined my studio, and I cannot wait to embark on this journey once again; this time, through completely different eyes that see life in a brighter and clearer way.
Anyone else had a connection with yoga? Share your experience!